Kristall White


for hard men

This is a review of Kristall White vodka from Kazakhstan. I sampled it in Kazakhstan in 2017. It’s clear, 40% alcohol, and it’s simply not good.

May 2017. I could have been out walking, but I had a day off in Almaty. So I went and got myself four bottles of vodka. Four, because liquor was generally very affordable in this part of the world, and four, because I wanted to compare the different brands to each other.

I figured I was being very professional.

too much V

When I got to my hotel room, however, I felt a bit self-conscious. Of course I wasn’t going to finish all four bottles. But still, my plan suddenly seemed a bit preposterous and pathetic to me. Preposterous to want to drink so much vodka. Pathetic to want to do it alone.

But the wheels had been set in motion. So I sat down, poured a glass from the first bottle, which was called Kristall White vodka (водка Кристалл White), and took a sip.

a distillery in Aktobe

It took me a little while, but I was able to find the distillery that makes Kristall White vodka. It sits in Aktobe in the West of Kazakhstan, and it used to be called Kristall distillery, but now it operates under the name Maximus Ltd.

There is an info page about Kristall vodka that says it’s for “hard men” only. It also says that it comes in Gold, Silver, Black, and White editions.

Maximus Ltd. also has an Instagram account that boasts 700,000+ followers. It posts regularly, but each of its posts only get a few dozens of engagements.

[online search from April 15th 2022]

All in all I’m not sure what the deal is with those “hard men” who are supposed to drink this vodka.

Kristall White vodka has a smell that gives it away

Back to our review of Kristall White vodka, though. The smell should have been a warning. It was intense, which is never a good sign when it comes to vodka. If your nose burns from smelling the stuff, then don’t bother drinking it.

But since I was in it for the testing game, I drank it anyway. It turned out that Kristall White vodka burned viciously, all the way down. I can’t really tell you anything about it except that it was a very bad taste. And the aftertaste was somehow even worse, because it, too, somehow ended up burning.

nice bottle, though

The price was awesome of course. I paid 896 Tenge for 0,5 liters of this stuff, which translates to about 4,50€ for 700ml.

And I liked the bottle design. Not so much the golden details on the labels, but the bottle itself – the lines and the white misting effect towards the bottom. This was a nice bottle that only disappointed the moment you found out that Kristall White vodka was in it.

My advice: don’t buy this vodka. Unless you’re a “hard man” of course.